How to Write Wedding Vows (and Speeches)

This is the sixteenth post in Authentalk’s series about how to write subject matter-specific speeches. Call it Matrimoniain.

Over the course of this series, I’ve written about the choices that make public speaking feel more human. In that spirit, I want to share the thinking behind three wedding speeches that meant a lot to me: my 2021 vows to Jessica, a 2023 best man speech I gave for my buddy Brandon when he married Cat, and a 2026 speech I was asked to give at the Parisian wedding of Fred and Ceida.

Name the Location

Good wedding writing starts by paying attention, which means naming what the attendees are actively experiencing.

In my 2021 vows, I started in a little garden off Ventura Boulevard, in the middle of a pandemic, worrying about traffic, livestream problems, and bees.

If you are writing vows, or renewing them, start by describing the setting—the backyard, courthouse, rain, whatever.

Try opening with, “We’re standing here in…” Then finish the sentence with something true. That opening will usually beat your first attempt to sound profound, because the truth is profound.

We’re standing in a little garden off Ventura Boulevard in the middle of a generation-defining pandemic. And I’m a little scared. I’m scared that someone here might get sick. I’m scared that traffic will blare through the middle of the livestream. I’m scared that one of these little bees is going to sting me and I’ll learn about a new allergy.

Because I don’t want anything to sour this. To muddle the moment. You’ve known me for more than half of my life now, so you know that I dwell on moments. I dig into them. I have a hard time fully experiencing now because I’m still recycling what’s been.

Pick One Image

After your opening, find something visual to compare the relationship.

In my vows, I used a tapestry. I talked about memories as threads: our first anniversary in the park, road trips to Oregon, our first flight to China, UCLA parking, getting towed, high school Sweeney Todd, arguments, tears, inside jokes, and the strange little improv characters that lived inside our relationship.

The same idea shaped my 2026 floor speech for Fred and Ceida. Ceida had New Jersey roots. Fred was French. So I found an image as a bridge: a French photographer who saw beauty in New Jersey.

Before you write ten compliments, pick one image—a house, garden, song, table, photo, map, group chat, game, blanket, language.

Return to the image throughout the speech.

But when I think about the moments that we’ve shared--over the nearly 10 years we’ve been together, or the nearly 15 we’ve been friends--it’s less like a series of little pinpointed stars in the night sky and more like an umbral blanket. It’s this all-encompassing tapestry that warms, comforts, and empowers.

Gather the Details

People connect with specifics. Don’t say, “You have always been there for me.” A better vow says, “You drove to UCLA, parked down Veteran or Gayley, woke up at ridiculous hours to avoid getting towed, and then one time got towed anyway.”

In my 2023 best man speech, I called Brandon “the Hillary Clinton kid” because, in high school speech competitions, he could somehow connect every prompt back to Hillary Clinton. Later, I talked about Cat trying Dungeons and Dragons even though she did not naturally love it; she showed up because Brandon loved it.

Use this formula: what happened, and what did it prove? She came back even after getting towed; that proves she chose the relationship when it was inconvenient. She learned the rules of a game she did not care about; that proves she cared about the person who cared about the game.

I first knew Brandon as the Hillary Clinton kid. This is because, in every public speaking competition, he found a way to relate his prompts back to Hillary Clinton. Brandon emailed me a bunch of acceptable jokes I could make about Secretary Clinton. I was trying to find them, but I guess…they were deleted. 

Anyway, just like Hillary Clinton branched out into stage shows, voicing the giant in the 2022 Arkansas Repertory Theater production of Into the Woods, my conversations with high school Brandon evolved from politics to performances. We bonded over a shared love of casting musicals. We went through lists of our competitors, some of whom are with us today, and tried to place them in shows from Assassins to Company to The Lion King. 

Use Humor

In my 2023 best man speech, I opened by making fun of high school speech structure. I said most speeches have a unique intro and three big points, but I was going to be different; then I immediately gave three points.

The same speech kept returning to Hillary Clinton, musicals, Timon and Pumbaa, Dungeons and Dragons, and falling asleep on couches.

Do not roast the couple unless the joke reveals love and even then, keep your hand on the wheel. This is a wedding and someone’s grandmother is probably listening.

Make Your Vows

A vow is a promise.

In my 2021 vows, I promised to be worthy, to be honest, to be accountable, to put being good over being the best, and to be kinder to myself and others when we fall short. Five years later, I’m much better at this than I was before.

A floor speech also makes a promise—but about the people you’re praising.

At the end of my Brandon speech, I told the story of being a young, immature first-year coach who was easy to dismiss. Brandon stood by me patiently and honestly.

Then the speech turned to Cat. That is your husband. That is the man who stands by people when the chips are down. I promise, before everyone here, that you have my blessing.

In the Fred and Ceida speech, the ending came from the room itself: people had crossed oceans and gathered in a castle in Paris because of the world they created and the people who they helped feel seen.

If you can’t promise it in front of family and friends, don’t say it.

Draft Your Speech

Set a timer for 20 minutes. First, list five real details: the garden, the bees, the parking spot, the couch, the airport, the game night, the group chat, the dog, the argument outside your parents’ house, the time someone got towed.

Second, pick three stories. One should be funny. One should be tender. One should prove character. For each story, finish this sentence: “This shows that…”

Third, choose one image. A tapestry. A house. A garden. A song. A table. A map. A photograph. A game. Once you have the image, use it to connect the stories instead of letting them sit there like separate anecdotes.

Finally, write the ending before the beginning. Use one of these sentences: “What I promise is…” “What I see in the two of you is…” Then build the rest of the speech backward.

Pay attention so you can pay your respects on the happiest day of somebody’s life.